The Secret Life of Emily Cavanaugh
by Ivette Boveda
Summary: Jordan, as a child, had to live with a disturbed mother while Max had to pick up the slack.How can a child cope with a mother who is rarely there emotionally and is paranoid? Enjoy Chapter 11!
1. Default Chapter

Emily smiled at the young man in the grocery store, as she tried to find the Ribeye steaks, which she knew Max would like.

"Could you tell me which I should buy?" the young man asked. He had his hair puffed in the current style, and wore tight dark blue bell bottoms over a well shaped butt.

"What do you want to cook?"

"Beef stew"

"I'd get this" She pointed to a package of beef chuck. "And have the butcher chop it up."

After some more flirting, they each quickly bought their groceries, and 'talked' some more in his car.

Six year old Jordan sighed as she waited in front of the main offices of her elementary school. Her mother was late picking her up, again. The frigid wind did not make things any easier.

Sometime later, a familiar horn honked. Happily she ran and quickly got into the car.

"Sorry I'm late honey."

"It was cold" Jordan complained.

Max, as he often did, worked late. So, it was just the two of them, though Emily would fry him a steak later, when he did get home, which was around eight in the evening.

"How was your day?" he asked her tentatively as he cut up his steak.

"Great!" She sat on his lap.

The next day brought another suitor while Jordan was at school, and Max was at work. He was David, an 18 year old economics major at Boston University. They often met at his dorm room. She would put on a simple outfit that made her look younger. However, he was not pleased to see her.

"You're married!!" he yelled at her. "Yesterday, I get dragged into the precinct, and I found your picture on some detective's desk. He caught me staring at it and said you were his wife.

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	2. Chapter 2

"It's complicated" she started to say. " We …have a child together, and……"

"Just go!"

The next week, she got into one of her deep blue funks, but it had nothing to do with David, as she had consoled herself with his roommate within forty eight hours.

"Emily?" Max called from the doorway of the bedroom. Years of marriage taught him something was amiss.

"Get your own damn breakfast!!" She covered her head with blankets.

"I'll take Jordan to school" he sighed, worriedly. "And pick her up"

"Is mommy sad again?" the little girl asked, in the car, as Max went to drop her off early.

"She's just…tired" he answered, wearing a light grey suit and blue tie.

Back at the Cavanaugh home, Emily with reluctance, moved to the couch, where she could watch TV.

Sometime later, the phone rang, it was Max.

"I just wanted to see how you were." His desk was filled with case files, and paperwork that had to be done.

"Don't you have murders to solve?" she answered sharply.

"Talk to me, babe, what's going on?" he tried to be patient.

"Well, Maggie broke up with Sean again….." she tried to avoid the subject.

"Not on the soaps, I mean with you." He found it hard not to raise his voice.

"Everything is so bleak"

"Why don't you go out for a walk?."

"It's too much trouble." Just the thought of changing from her pajamas, putting on her clothes, locking the door, etc made her tired.

When he got home, with Jordan, she was back in bed.

"Why don't you take a shower?" Max suggested. His face grew somber with concern. "It'll make you feel better."

"Too much trouble" she mumbled.

Jordan, now in the kitchen, was eating some of the Chinese takeout that Max had gotten on the way home.

"Aren't you hungry? I got you your favorite, lemon chicken" he often found himself handling her with kid gloves.

"I had some bread slices with milk."

The child sighed when she saw only her dad come to join her.

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	3. Chapter 3

After dinner, Max poured himself a drink and put the leftover food away. At eight thirty, he tucked Jordan into bed. Then, he worked on one of his tougher cases.

The next day Emily picked Jordan up from school, but did so in pajamas, and with bed hair.

"How was school?" she asked the girl, distractedly.

"Good, we read"

At home, Emily and Jordan had leftovers from the night before. Then, the phone rang. It was Hank Lohan. He was a vice detective in his fifties.

"Leave my son alone!" he told her. "Or I will tell your husband" Then he hung up. Hank's son was married.

"Who was that mommy?" Jordan asked.

"Wrong number" Not caring, Emiliy shrugged, as she put the phone back.

A fortnight later, she was in one of her chipper phases to the relief of Max. One night Hank's son, Greg came to see her when Jordan was asleep.

"Your dad called." She told him as both sat on the couch in the living room.

"What did he say?" he raised his bright red eyebrows.

"To leave you alone or else he'd tell Max."

"How'd he find out?"

"I don't know. Why didn't he yell at you?"

"He probably thinks I'm under your spell, which is true, by the way." He flirted

"Prove it" she breathed in a low voice.

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	4. Chapter 4

During her more lucid periods, she'd feel guilty about cheating on Max but when she was with other men, her attitude was of 'what he doesn't know won't hurt him'. She just liked the excitement and variety of it. Emily's own mother cheated on her father.

A week later, Hank came by.

"I thought I told you to stay away from my son!" he whispered angrily, when Emily reluctantly opened the door.

"You're just jealous because I'm not sleeping with you"

"Go to hell! This is the final warning!" With a huff, he left.

The next evening, Greg came to see his father at the precinct.

"Leave her alone dad!" he seethed at the detective.

"She's nothing but trouble son, and that husband of hers…if he finds out…."the man started to say. Max was known for his temper.

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	5. Chapter 5

The next day, Emily met with Tom Malden, in her shower.

"You know…Jordan has a sleepover this Friday, perhaps we could meet for dinner?" she asked him afterwards. "Max has been obsessing over a case, as usual, so he'll probably be working late"

"Unless you tell me otherwise, I'll pick you up at the usual spot at eight" he smiled.

Friday came and they had dinner at an Italian place. She loved the way Tom was in bed and enjoyed his company. They first met, when Max had brought him over for dinner one night. Soon after, the affair started. Tom thought that aside from Max, Emily wasn't with anyone else. Sex was just one of many things used by Emily for power and for attempting to fill this void inside of her. As a child, she found herself with rather distant parents who left most of the childrearing to a stern nanny, who could be cruel. When she first met Max, he seemed like a breath of fresh air from the world she grew up in: he said what he felt, and didn't put on airs, though he had a bad temper and could be volatile. Despite the fears she would have during her more paranoid moments, he had never struck her. When he suspected that their first child, whom he gave away during one of her bad episodes, wasn't his he didn't confront her, though she felt that he had his suspicions.

"Care to join me in the shower?" she asked Max that night when he got home.

"No, I gotta work this case" he sat down with various crime scene photos, as he munched on jelly donuts that he got from a 24 hour donut place.

"You should stop eating so many of those things. I can barely sit on your lap" she told him, as she took a quick glimpse at one of the crime scene photos. "How can you prefer those disgusting pictures to me?"

"My next promotion rides on this case and the tuition at Jordan's school is going up." Max was usually the practical one in the marriage.

"You've been working late all week." Emily complained.

" It's part of the job."

With a sigh, she went to watch Johnny Carson.

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	6. Chapter 6

After a while, she fell asleep, and Max carried her to bed.

Days passed she got into one of her depressive moods around noontime. She refused to eat, shower, or get out of bed. The void had caught up with her. Emily couldn't get herself to care about anything, nor gather up the energy to do it. All she could do was stare at the ceiling and cry. She couldn't even bring herself to answer the phone when it rang.

"Emily!!" Max yelled from the living room about an hour later. He had been the one calling her, to see how she was. When she didn't, he assumed the worst.

"Leave me alone!" she called from the bed.

"There you are. What's going on?" While worried, he was relieved that she hadn't tried to kill herself again.

"You wouldn't understand"

"I don't understand how lying in bed is gonna solve anything." In Max's opinion, she needed to occupy her mind more rather then dwell on things, which he felt made her worse.

"As opposed to drinking?" she retorted.

"Come on, at least take a shower, you'll feel better" he tried to pull her from the bed.

"No!"

"Don't disturb your mother when we get home. She's tired" Max warned Jordan when he picked her up from school a little later. It pained him to see how Emily's moods affected his daughter.

"Okay"

When they got home, Max noticed that Emily had cut her hair. When he went to look in on her, she sported an unbalanced bob.

"I see you cut your hair"

"To protect myself"

"Oh….." he sighed and rubbed his head in anguish.

"I drew this for Mommy. Think she'll like it?" Jordan asked, holding a picture up a bit later. She hated it when her mother was sad, and very much wanted her to be happy.

"Of course honey, when she feels better" Max took a gulp from his shot glass. He liked beer, but preferred the strong stuff, especially when things were stressful.

The next evening, she cut Jordan's hair as well.

"Mommy! No!"

"Please, baby, it'll make me feel better"

"Fine" she sadly agreed. Jordan was willing to sacrifice her hair for mommy. She really wanted her to be happy.

"What's going on??" Max asked when he came home, and found Jordan asleep, next to Emily, in the couch, with a crooked hair cut.

"I needed to protect my baby!!" she told him fiercely.

"This…isn't the way to do it. What are you afraid of babe?"

"Them"

"Them who?" the detective didn't feel up to dealing with one of Emily's paranoia periods.

"You don't get it!"

The next day, he called in sick to look after things at home. He worried that his wife would do something more serious to Jordan. Emily sat on the living room couch for the most part.

"Do you think they can track me through the T.V?" she asked in pajamas she had been wearing for about a couple of days.

"I…doubt they have the technology" Max said, humoring her, as he hid several knives and other sharp objects.

TBC


	7. Chapter 7

Hours passed and he went to pick up Jordan, whose hair he had fixed by making it into what was considered a 'boy's cut'.

"How was school?"

"Some girls made fun of me." She complained, not mentioning that she got into an ugly argument with them.

"Why don't we get some pizza?" he suggested.

The two had pizza alone, as Emily refused to eat and was back in bed. Afterwards, Jordan went to see her.

"Mommy?" she called into the dark room.

"Jordan, let your mother rest" Max ordered. He didn't want the girl to see her mother like this. "Go do your homework"

Emily enjoyed the security and warmth of the bed, as she could feel her heart pounding from anxiety.

She got better after a few days, and even started seeing Tom again.

"I missed you" he said, as they laid together in the guest room bed.

"Things were…crazy for me." She answered. Malden didn't know about her moods.

"Max making life difficult?"

"I cut Jordan's hair, but he didn't like the style so he gave her a boy's cut. He likes to show who's boss I suppose. I also suggested we take a family vacation, especially for Jordan, but claimed not to have enough vacation days" What Emily didn't mention was that Max had spent his vacation days taking care of her and that she had cut the child's hair out of paranoia.

One Saturday, when Emily was having one of her good days, she made pancakes for Jordan and Max.

"These are great sweetie." He told her.

"I hope you don't have to work today."

"I don't think so."

Thusly, they all spent a peaceful Saturday as a family, until Max got a call about a lead in a case.

"Why can' t you go later daddy?"

"The man I'm looking for is very dangerous honey. The sooner I find him the better."

While he was gone, Jordan did homework, and Emily watched television, until Tom called her sometime later. He too was spending the weekend at the office.

"Did you miss me?" he teased.

Emily went to the far end of the kitchen, so that Jordan couldn't hear her from the living room.

"Of course…."

"Sorry, my boss is coming! I'll call ya later"

"Why don't we go see a movie, baby?" she suggested to Jordan when she put the phone back.

"Okay!"

Together they saw a film called 'The Apple Dumpling gang', and Emily started to cook dinner when they returned home.

As she prepared the meat, an unpleasant memory came to her, unbidden. Dressed prim and proper, according to her nanny's standards, she found nothing but a small plate of rice in front of her one afternoon for lunch.

"You threw away some of your sandwich yesterday. I know you did Maybe after being on a diet that many in this world are forced to live on, you'll be more appreciative of the food I give you." The nanny seethed; this was when she was about seven years old, and had just discarded the crusts. This regime of only rice lasted for about a week. She had been trapped as her parents in Europe and school was out for the summer. To this day, she could not stand rice.

Quickly, she suppressed the memory, and continued with her task. That night she had a nightmare. She was at home, alone, when suddenly, a man, with a gun came in and shot her on the chest. Emily woke up screaming. Her paranoia gave her nightmares.

"What is it babe?"

"I dreamt that someone came into the house, and shot me!" She cried into his shoulder as he held her.

"Shhh…..that'll never happen. I'll protect you."

"What if it's a premonition ??"

"It's probably from watching too much news." Max didn't want her to dwell on this. "Go back to sleep"

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	8. Chapter 8

Tuesday came and Emily began to fear that 'they' were coming for her and the child. Once Max left, she made her announcement.

"We're taking a vacation, baby!"

"What about Daddy?" Jordan adored her father.

"He has to work, and we won't be gone long.

After breakfast, the two drove for about three hours and finally Emily found a motel that she considered safe.

A man with dingy hair and greasy clothes, who leered at Jordan, took Emily's money, gave them the key, and lead them to their room.

"It smells icky" the child complained.

"But there's a pool baby!" Emily said. "Go put on your bathing suit."

Getting away from it all had made her feel slightly better, so she joined Jordan in the pool for a while. Then, she sat on a lounge chair. Soon, Jordan saw her talking to a strange man.

Some time passed and the woman said

"Baby! It's getting late! Go to the room and take a bath!"

"Okay" the six year old got out reluctantly.

"Here get something from the vending machines" Emily gave Jordan three dollars and the key to the room. "Don't let anyone but me inside"

Thusly, the child went to the vending machines to get some chips and soda.

"You're a very pretty little girl" the man, who had given Emily the key, said. His look was lecherous. "Would you like some candy?"

"No!" Jordan quickly walked away. Her father had taught her not to fall for such tricks. Nervous, she went straight into the room. Thankfully, there was a television so she watched and ate. Later, noises from the next room started to torment Jordan as memories regarding her mother and mysterious visitors resurfaced for a while. She wanted to call her father, but the room didn't have a phone and she was afraid to go outside again by herself.

Meanwhile, Emily was with her new 'friend' at his room. She didn't return until the wee hours.

At around eight in the morning, there was a knock at the door.

"Emily! It's me!" Max boomed. The woman reluctantly opened the door.

"How did you find us?" she demanded.

"You've been here before." Emily sometimes 'ran away', though this was the first time she took Jordan with her.

"That's impossible!"

"Daddy!" a half awake Jordan got up to hug her father.

"We'll talk about this later" Max tried to contain his anger and worry in front of Jordan. "Let's go home."

"Do we have to leave?" the girl asked. "I wanna go to the pool"

"I'll take you to the Y on Saturday" Max told her. "Go brush your teeth, and get dressed"

"It's safer here" the woman argued.

"The guy at the front desk is a child molester!!" he whispered.

After some more arguing and coaxing, Emily agreed to return home.

Then, when Jordan was in second grade, she became interested in a religion called Santeria, which was a mixture of a West African Yoruba religion and Iberian Catholicism. One day, she, in the course of her errands, found a boutique that had Santeria items. She would have ignored it, but the store window advertised something about protection. When she came in, a woman, named Inez Cordoba greeted her. She had left Cuba in 1970. The woman and her family moved to Boston because two of her brothers, along with their families lived there and the American government gave incentives for Cuban refugees to live outside of Florida.

"How can I help you?" the woman greeted curiously.

"I need protection"

"From who?"

Thus began Emily's Journey into the religion. She read all about it , prayed to the Orishas(gods), bought some material and did some protection spells. Also, she set up a little altar in the laundry room.

"What's this stuff?" Jordan asked as Emily rubbed a special oil that was supposed to protect against witchcraft. She figured one could never be too careful when it came to them.

"It's for your own good, baby"

She also would slather some on Max when he was asleep. To her chagrin, he would wash it off in the morning because he would feel greasy.

She also had Jordan wear a beaded necklace under her shirt. In her innocence, the child, who liked it, showed it to a friend in the hallway, and was seen by Sister Agnes, the school's vice principal.

"What is this??" the nun asked.

"My mommy told me to wear it for good luck."

"Come with me."

Gulping, Jordan followed the nun to her office. She reluctantly gave her necklace to the vice principal, thinking that the only problem was a uniform violation.

"At this school, we do not wear things of evil."

"Huh?"

"This is a pagan necklace!!"

"How can a necklace be pagan?"

"With this….." the nun dramatically threw it on the floor. "You are asking other gods to protect you."

"I didn't know, Sister Agnes!"

The nun's experience taught her that Jordan was telling the truth.

Soon, Emily got a very angry call from the woman.

"I….just found it at a second hand store and thought it was look nice on Jordan." Emily lied.

"What about this business with having good luck?"

"It was to give her confidence in school. Like a rabbit's foot".

"Fine, she'll get off with a warning this time. Nothing will go in her record."

"Thank you sister" Emily responded in relief.

"What the hell are you doing with this voodoo shit??" Max asked her furiously one morning when he saw her altar. He was putting some clothes to wash.

"It's Santeria" Emily corrected him.

"Whatever it is, I don't want it in this house!" Raised Catholic, he recoiled at the thought of his wife doing God knows what using statues and such. "We are a Catholic family!"

"The Orishas are the only ones who can fight them. You told me to have more faith!"

"In God and Jesus!" Max started to pick up the altar. "We're getting ridding of this stuff, and I'm gonna ask Father Bennigan to bless the house." When a Catholic priest blesses a home, he prays and sprinkles holy water over almost every room in the house. While Max didn't believe in the Orisha, his superstitious side wanted to play it safe.

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	9. Chapter 9

Emily pretended to agree, but later got the stuff Max threw away out of the trash, and decided to find a better hiding place. Weeks later, she began to fear that 'they' were going to use Santeria against her so she threw away all the materials.

Weeks passed and Max saw that the purchase of several wigs was in the credit card statement.

"What's this?" he confronted her when Jordan had gone to bed.

"Just in case" she told him.

Meanwhile, she started an affair with Max's new partner Vincent, but then, out of paranoia, she decided to go to Atlanta. That afternoon, Max got a call from a scared and vexed Jordan, who hadn't been picked up from school. Once he got home, he found and hid his wife's note which said something about 'them' coming to get her.

"Where's mommy?." The little girl asked. "She's not in bed"

"She had to go help a friend."

"Why?"

Emily spent two days in the city. After the first day, she felt better and partook in gambling and flings. Then she returned assured that 'they' were on the wrong trail. The woman had called Max once and Vincent three times.

"Surprise!" she said as she went to visit the detective, who had his own office, at the precinct.

"If you're looking for Vincent, he's now in Fraud." Max, who was both relieved and angry, said with a strained voice. The man had overheard his partner flirt with Emily on the phone during her trip. "Did you have fun?"

" Well…"

"Jordan was worried sick about you. I told her that you had to help a friend" Max's face grew dark. "Do you want to know why Vincent got transferred?"

"It happens all the time."

"Guess again" He said in a tone that made it obvious what he meant. After he had overheard the conversation, Max secretly pulled favors to get his partner transfer orders, and confronted him.

"Babe….."

"Just go home." He yelled while on the brink of rage and tears.

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	10. Chapter 10

For the rest of the day, and most of the evening, he poured himself into his work. Afterwards, he went to a bar that he frequented.

"My married life is prime Donahue material." He wryly told a bartender after a few shots of scotch.

Jordan, for her part was happy to have her mommy back. It was a treat for the child to have Emily to spend the evening helping her with homework instead of being in bed the whole time.

When Max got home, the couple got into a nasty fight.

"Running away does not solve anything!" he hissed.

"Look…I'm back."

"To see Vincent no doubt." He glared at her.

"I missed you…"

"You sure have a hell of a way of showing it." He slammed his fist on their dresser.

"Maybe we should talk when you're sober" Emily started to back away.

"Maybe you should go live with Vincent. See how long he can put up with you."

As the fight went on, Jordan sadly hugged her teddy bear and tried to cover her ears.

Things were strained in the Cavanaugh household for quite a few days, after which the couple came to a truce of some sort. Summer came, and Emily did lots of fun things with Jordan. They saw movies, went to the park, went to the pool at the Y, etc. However, she still sometimes had her bouts of depression.

"Mommy?" Jordan noticed her mother crying in the living room.

"I'm tired, baby, I'm going to bed."

Suddenly, about two hours later, Jordan felt a harsh grab.

"Baby! You gotta hide in the closet."

"Why?"

"For your own good." Emily's paranoia started to flare up. "Mommy is in danger"

Poor Jordan stayed in closet for hours, as Emily hid in another one(the woman thought it was safer for them to be in separate closets so that if 'they' found her, Jordan might still have a chance.)

Finally, Max came home, and recognized Jordan's sobbing. He broke into the closet, which had been locked.

"Daddy!" Jordan hugged her father.

"Where's your mother?" Max felt angry and horrified.

"She's in danger. Mommy said I had to stay here to keep her safe" The atmosphere of the small dark closet tormented the child.

After reassuring Jordan, he found Emily, hiding in their bedroom closet and in a fetal position.

"Looks like they…didn't show up." He told her, trying to remember that sometimes she couldn't help it. "Come out"

"No!"

"Mommy! Daddy says you're safe!" Jordan happily said as she joined Max at the closet entryway. "Why don't you come out?"

"Mommy needs time to think" the detective responded. "Why don' t you go watch T.V?"

"Okay." The child didn't want to think about the hours she spent in the closet. She hoped to never have to be in a dark, cramped space again.

Emily refused to come out of the closet for the rest of the evening and night. Max closed the bedroom door, and told Jordan that mommy was sleeping.

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	11. Chapter 11

Early in the morning, Emily came out of the closet only to hide under the covers of the bed.

"I see you decided to leave the closet" Max remarked gently. "I'll see that Jordan gets to school."

"Is mommy sad again?" Jordan asked as she poured herself some frosted flakes.

"She's resting sweetie."

One day in September, Emily spent woke up with rage. So, she roughly opened some drawers in the bedroom dresser, and angrily threw out all the clothes on the floor. Then she went to the kitchen and broke some plates over the edge of the counter. When she went to pick up Jordan, the woman exhibited road rage.

"Drive faster asshole!" she screamed at the driver in front of her while honking hard.

"Ouch!" Jordan yelled when she got home. The girl tended to walk around the house barefoot and had gone to the kitchen for a snack.

"Baby? Are you okay?" Emily rushed to her daughter's side, took out the glass in her foot with a tweezer, and cleaned up the kitchen.

"Why are you just sitting there?" She yelled at the child a while later as Jordan watched T.V. "Don't you have homework?"

"It's Friday." Jordan argued.

"I don't care!" Emily growled as she roughly lead the girl to the kitchen table by the hair. "Lazy child! I never get to see your father because he has to work to keep you in Catholic school! And here you are, just sitting on your ass, watching television!" With that, the woman went to shower, leaving Jordan in tears of sadness and guilt.

Just then, Max came home.

"What's wrong sweetie?" he asked Jordan, noticing the tears and red eyes.

"I'm sorry daddy" the child sobbed. "I promise never to be lazy again!"

Max gently hugged the girl. "You're one of the best students at St. Inez!"

"Mommy says I'm lazy cause I watch T.V."

"She's didn't mean it hon. Mommy's just in a bad mood" Max knew the Emily was in one of her angry phases. He wanted to take Jordan out for ice cream, but worried that his wife's anger would get more destructive. "Let me see how mommy is doing." He gave the child a kiss on the head.

TBC


End file.
